Five weeks in. 852 hours to be exact since I’ve met my son. He’s my second child, and second boy. I should be ecstatic right? A man having two beautiful boys to raise? Boys to teach fishing, skating and football? Then why am I not excited? Did we make a mistake having a second child? Did we ruin a “good thing”? I love him, but do I “Like” him?
When my first son came along, we were so excited. Before AND after the birth. He filled a gap in our life. We went from loving each other to combining our love and directing it to one person. It was fantastic, and as he grew older it was more and more fun. The more he spoke and interacted, the more I could appreciate him.
Fast forward to November 6th, the day we brought my second son home. Man was it weird. I had built such a strong bond with my first son, I felt like we were cheating on him by sharing our love with a second baby. A baby I don’t know yet. I watched my sons heart break right in front of me. He liked a new baby, but was devastated if he caught me on the couch sleeping with the newborn on my chest. That was his place. I was HIS dad. It’s tough too when I have to punish him, because he’s very sensitive right now.
What were we thinking? We had it made, why did we tinker with things and add another kid? I have to constantly remind myself that it will all be worth it when they are both at an age when they play together. Essentially we have made him a playmate for the rest of his childhood. I’m really finding it difficult to split my love right now. Don’t get me wrong, I will literally die for either of my kids. I love them both. However right now, I just like playing with my oldest. Which may be obvious, I mean who wants to deal with a newborn?
This new guy has disrupted everyone’s routine. Stolen our sleep. Put my wife out of commission for at least 6 weeks. He’s shattered my first sons life. All of that and I still can’t get a smile out of him.
I know it gets better though. I have no doubt that we made the right choice. It will be fantastic when one is 6 and the other is 3 and we are all playing together. I just need to get through this stage first. Paying our dues right?
I can’t wait to truly meet my new son. The boy with a personality, an opinion (good and bad). It’s going to be great. I know we made the right decision in the end. It’s going to be fantastic when I finally start to like my newborn.
Keep your head up and your nuts covered.