Congratulations, you’ve decided on a Vasectomy! That may have been the toughest part. I remember when I made the decision to get a Vasectomy done. My two boys were 3 years and 8 months old respectively. I ended up backing out one week before the procedure. I got cold feet. I had to recognize that my brain was still in baby-mode as my youngest wasn’t even a year old yet. I had to remember that it does get better and it’s not fair to make such a big decision. My oldest was 2 before we felt we could even handle another kid, otherwise we were sticking with just the one.

Fast forward 14 months later and I was separated from my wife and now convinced more than ever that I needed the vasectomy. The reaction from those around me was mixed, but mostly people were surprised by my decision especially because I was single now. They thought it would make it hard for me to meet someone new who might want kids later on. For me, it was an easy decision. I have seen extended family members that had kids with separate people after divorce and basically have two families. The first kids always get shafted. I never want to do anything that will make my boys seem less significant. I am happy with the fact that I could miss out on someone new who wants kids. It’s also possible I could meet someone new who already has kids. It’s easier to date someone in a similar situation anyway.

Once I made the firm decision to get the incision (I’m such a genius), It was only a two week wait until the procedure. It worked out well because it coincided with my vacation time and I wouldn’t need to use sick days. Now that it’s all done, I want to give you guys researching Vasectomy’s for yourself, 5 tips that I learned.

Pre-Plan EVERYTHING

Once you get the procedure done, you’ll be out of commission for at least 48 hours. Literally, you sit on the couch and sleep in your bed only getting up to go to the washroom. If you live alone like I do, you need to get everything done ahead of time. Buy your groceries, do all your chores, even pre-make meals if you’re so inclined. You finally have an excuse to be incredibly lazy for 48 hours and no one can fault you for it. Take advantage and prepare for it.

Plan your Entertainment

I’m not much of a Gamer, I’m more of a Social Media guy, so I took this opportunity to brush up on my PlayStation skills. A quick visit to Target and I was all set with some great video games. I highly recommend “The Last of Us” and “Watch dogs“. These were incredible games and made my time on the couch infinity times better. If that got boring, I still had Twitter, Instagram and yes, even Facebook.

Buy Tighty Whities with a side of Frozen Peas

This step is vital and not to be overlooked. You cannot get away with boxers or even boxer-briefs. These need to be Grade-A bikinis. Okay, maybe not Bikinis, but the tighter the better. You need all the support you can get for your boys right now and these give the proper “cuppage” that boxer-briefs just cannot provide. While you’re at it, grab some frozen peas. I was concerned these would be too cold and I wouldn’t be able to handle it, but they were glorious. Good lord did they feel good. I may even keep them on hand for the rest of my life because of the cooling effect it does to your whole body. Peas or nibblet corn work the best because they can contour to your junk the best. They are super cheap, and will do wonders for your recovery.

Ibuprofen – Load Up

The pain meds prescribed to me were just Tylenol 3’s and they did a pretty good job, but my drug of choice was the Ibuprofen I picked up at Costco. I was able to take them every 4 hours and they didn’t interact with the Tylenol, assuming you don’t have any allergic concerns. Now I wasn’t able to drink alcohol while on these meds, but I think drinking alone on the couch for 48 hours would cause more problems than it would cure.

Avoid All Stimulation

Now all doctors seem to have a different school of thought on the length of abstinence after a Vasectomy, so you should really listen to you doctor on this. I can however share MY experience and let you come to your own conclusions. I was told not to ejaculate for 7 days…. 7 DAYS….SEVEN!!!

I lasted 32 hours. Surprisingly enough, my sex drive was not diminished in the least by this surgery. I will say that I was very careful, and there was no doubt I extended my recovery by several days. I mean after I did it once and there was no blood or any other major concerns, it was like open season. I was told it would take roughly 20 ejaculations before all my sperm was evacuated. I wanted to get a head start on that. By the end of week one, the bruising was severe and actually scared me quite a bit. I’ve been black and blue before, but there were shades of red that would put my fire truck to shame. I was concerned, and spent several days Googling pics of scrotum bruising. It’s a good thing no one was around to see my internet history that week. By the end of the second week I was almost bruise free. I did however; develop a bit of a lump that wasn’t normally there. This was particularly scary, especially given that my profession has a significantly higher rate of cancer than the regular public. After more searching, I was able to self-diagnose myself with a Sperm Granulomas. This is when some sperm leaks out the cut end and solidifies. Rarely it needs to be removed surgically, but most of the time the body reabsorbs it over time. Thankfully I experienced the latter.

BONUS – Get the Post Vasectomy Sperm Analysis

Many people assume they become sterile immediately after a vasectomy is performed. Don’t assume that, it will just make an ass out of you, not me and you’ll have another kid. Follow up the doctors instructions and get the test. I know a gentleman that had the procedure done and years later his wife got pregnant. Well, he accused her up and down with having an affair, being a cheater. She swore it wasn’t true. He decided to have the test done and it was discovered he was still fertile. A tube either reattached itself, or it was discovered that he had a third tube, I can’t quite remember and it’s really not important. Afterwards he owed his wife a huge apology. They were on the brink of divorce before the test and it was widely known what he thought she had done behind his back. The only way to make it up to her was to buy her anything she wanted. She was driving a brand new Jag by the end of the year. The moral of the story is to GET THE TEST.

Good luck to you and I hope everything goes as smoothly for you as it did for me. Just remember that it’s a short inconvenience for a long term gain (or an average length… everyone is different).

Dad Under Fire